Etiquette for the Member: stay in control
As a Member you decide your own pace, your boundaries and with whom you continue. That is not a side issue, but the heart of sugar dating on Seek For Sugar. In this article you read how to come across confidently, how to stay in control and how to recognise a Gentleman who truly suits you.
You set the pace
There is no schedule you have to follow. You do not have to reply quickly, meet quickly or decide quickly. Take the time you need to get to know someone. A Gentleman who suits you understands that and is happy to wait.
Do you notice that someone becomes impatient, or makes you feel you are lagging behind? That says more about him or her than about you. A good match develops at a pace that feels right for both.
Confident without overdoing it
Confidence starts with your profile. Say who you are, what drives you and what you are looking for, in your own words. You do not have to come across as perfect; coming across as real works better. You find tips in a profile that works.
You can be confident in your messages too. Ask questions, share your opinion and say what you enjoy. A Gentleman is looking for someone to talk to, not someone who agrees with everything. A woman or man who knows what she or he wants and can say so kindly makes an impression.
Naming your boundaries, and guarding them
Boundaries are personal, and they may change. What feels right today may feel different tomorrow, and vice versa. What matters most is that you know them and dare to name them.
A few ways to do that:
Say it early. "I want to let you know that for the first few times I prefer to meet in a public place." The sooner you say it, the more natural it feels.
Say it briefly. You do not need to explain or defend your boundaries. "I do not want that" is a complete sentence.
Repeat it if necessary. If a boundary is not respected, say it once more. If it happens again, it is time to stop.
A Gentleman who respects your boundaries shows he is worth your time. A Gentleman who ignores them does not.
How to recognise a Gentleman who suits you
Not every Gentleman is the right one for you. These signs help you tell the difference.
Good signs
He or she asks questions and remembers what you say.
Agreements are kept, messages are answered.
There is room for your opinion, your pace and your boundaries.
He or she is honest about what is being sought and offered.
Discretion works both ways.
Signs to watch for
Haste: wanting to meet quickly, see photos quickly, leave the platform quickly.
Stories that do not add up or keep changing.
Bragging about money or status instead of interest in you.
Pressure or guilt when you say no.
In doubt? Then take your time, perhaps talk about it with someone you trust, and read safe sugar dating: 10 agreements with yourself.
Discretion works both ways
Just as you expect discretion, a Gentleman may expect it from you. Share nothing about him or her with others: no name, no photos, no stories on social media. What you experience together stays between you.
That applies to yourself too. Choose a display name, share your photos only through the photo vault and only tell more about your work or location once you truly trust someone.
You can always end things gracefully
You owe nobody anything. Does a match no longer fit, or do you not have a good feeling after a first introduction? Then you can stop. Preferably do it gracefully and honestly: "Thank you for the lovely conversations. I notice it is not right for me, and I wish you all the best."
Do you not feel safe, or is someone behaving badly? Then you do not need to explain anything. Block the profile and use the report button. Our team looks at every report.
Invest in yourself too
For a Member, sugar dating is never the whole story. You have your own ambitions, your work, your friends and your plans. A good match fits into that and makes it bigger, but does not replace it. Keep your own goals sharp: what do you want to have achieved in a year? Which experiences, contacts or insights will help you get there?
A Gentleman with life experience can mean a lot in that, as a sparring partner, as a source of advice or as someone who shows you doors you did not yet know. Feel free to tell him where you want to go. A Gentleman who suits you enjoys playing a part in that.
Frequently asked questions
Does a Member have to be a woman? No. A Member can be a woman or a man. It is about ambition, confidence and knowing what you are looking for.
How do I say no without being rude? Briefly and kindly: "Thank you, but that is not right for me." You do not need to give a reason. A Gentleman who suits you accepts that without discussion.
Can I chat with several Gentlemen? Yes. Especially at the start, it is normal to talk to a few people before planning an introduction. Do be honest when a conversation is not going anywhere for you.
What if my wishes change after a while? That is perfectly normal. Discuss it at a calm moment, just as openly as at the start. Also read discussing expectations without awkwardness.
In short
As a Member you stay in control. Set your pace, name your boundaries, watch the signs and be as discreet as you expect the other person to be. A Gentleman who suits you respects all of that naturally. All members of Seek For Sugar are 18+ and every profile is reviewed by hand.
Also read the etiquette for the Gentleman to see what you may expect from the other side. Signing up is free.