Safe sugar dating: 10 agreements with yourself
Safe sugar dating does not start with the other person, but with yourself. With a few clear agreements you make with yourself in advance, you stay in control, from your first message to your first introduction. They are simple, take little effort and bring a lot of peace of mind. Below are the ten agreements we recommend to everyone, whether you are a Gentleman or a Member.
1. I do not share my surname, employer or address in my profile
Your profile is your calling card, but it does not have to be a passport. Choose a display name and a general location, such as the city or region where you live. Leave out your surname, your employer, your job title and your address. Keep details like the name of your sports club or the street you live on to yourself too. What you share, you can always tell later. What is online once is hard to take back.
2. My photos stay in the photo vault until I trust someone
On Seek For Sugar your photos sit in a private photo vault. Non-members never see them, and members only when you give them access. Use that. Only give access once you have chatted for a while and have a good feeling about someone. You can withdraw access at any time. Also choose photos that are not already online elsewhere, such as on your social media, so you cannot be traced through a search engine.
3. I chat on the platform first
It is tempting to switch quickly to your own phone number or another app. Do not do that straight away. As long as you chat on the platform, your number stays private and you can easily block or report someone if something is not right. Only exchange contact details once you have met and there is trust.
4. I meet in a public place the first time
A first introduction belongs in a place where other people are around: a terrace, a lunchroom, a museum café or a walk along a lively street. Never at someone's home, never at your home and never in a secluded place. A public place is not only safer, it also makes the conversation more relaxed. Nobody feels pressured. Preferably choose a spot outside your own neighbourhood, so you do not run into people you know.
5. I arrange my own transport
Arrive on your own and leave the same way. By public transport, bike, taxi or your own car. That way you can leave whenever you want, and the other person does not need to know where you live. At a first introduction you can kindly decline an offer to pick you up or take you home.
6. Someone I trust knows where I am
Tell a friend where and when you are meeting, and with whom. Agree that you will send a quick message afterwards. It may sound excessive, but it is a small effort that gives a lot of reassurance. You do not have to explain that it is sugar dating; "I have a first date" is enough.
7. I discuss expectations in good time
Sugar dating is about clarity. So discuss in the chat or at the first introduction what you are both looking for: how often you want to meet, what matters to you and where your boundaries are. Kindly and without pressure, but clearly. How to approach that conversation, you read in our article on discussing expectations.
8. I do not give in to pressure or haste
Anyone who pressures you to meet quickly, to share photos straight away or to do something you are not comfortable with is not right for you. A good Gentleman and a good Member respect each other's pace. If you notice someone pushing, that is a signal. You do not have to explain anything; you can simply end the conversation.
9. I trust my instincts and can always stop
Does something not feel right, in the chat or during an introduction? Then you can stop. Always, without giving a reason. You can cancel a meeting, leave halfway through or block someone. You owe nobody anything. Your instincts are often faster than your reasoning, and it is wise to listen to them.
10. I report a profile that is not right
Our team reviews every profile and every photo by hand before anyone becomes visible. Even so, someone may present themselves as something they are not, or behave badly. Then use the report button. We look at every report and can remove profiles. That way you help other members too. Read more about how we work in how we review every profile by hand.
Signs that something is not right
Besides your own agreements, it helps to recognise a few signs. They do not always mean someone has bad intentions, but they are a reason to be extra careful.
Someone wants to leave the platform straight away. A quick request for your number or another app, before you have really talked.
The story keeps changing. Details about work, location or age that differ from one conversation to the next.
Money or personal details are requested. A request for a payment, a gift card or your bank details is always a reason to stop and report the profile.
Pressure or guilt. Anyone who makes you feel you owe them something does not respect your boundaries.
In short
Safe sugar dating is mostly a matter of common sense and a few fixed habits. Share little, chat on the platform first, meet in a public place, arrange your own transport and listen to your instincts. Then you can relax and enjoy the introduction itself. All members of Seek For Sugar are 18+ and reviewed by hand.
Curious how to go from a first message to a first meeting? Then read from first message to first introduction. Do you live in Amsterdam? Then also take a look at our page on sugar dating in Amsterdam. Signing up is free.